Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Now I know...

I've never known why the Amish do the beard thing like they do...

...until now.

I recently had 'the crud.' And by that, I mean the respiratory/sinus garbage that keeps you from breathing, makes you feel like you're carrying a gallon of fluid in your head, and keeps you from tasting/smelling for days. This stuff also makes your head feel like a fully or over-inflated tire.

I also went through a bale of kleenex. Which is where my amish beard theory comes in...

I blew my nose incessantly for 4-5 days. And without a lot of gory detail, the payload was great. Having a 'normal' beard, you can imagine the amount of 'payload' that gets caught in the mustache portion of the 'normal' beard every time you blow your nose.

So I shaved the mustache, but kept the beard so my face wouldn't freeze off in the arctic tundra known as the Midwest.  (I won't mention that I was inside, sick, on the two 70 degree days preceding 'snowpocalypse' this past week)

And shaving the 'stache worked like a charm.

Thanks, Amish friends.

And, I've discovered that there are other famous people who have made the same discovery...

One of our greatest presidents, Honest Abe, who was quoted as saying, "I honestly don't know how men with beards can blow their nose when they have a mustache."  (that's why he's Honest Abe)
And former U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. C. Everett Coop.  (Who else but the nation's former 'top doc' to sport the 'nose-blower' beard). Granted, he has trouble eating soup with his overgrown chin-growth, but that's another topic for another blog.

Shaving the mustache is obviously healthier since you're not 'retaining fluid.'

The 'stache-less beard has a special place in the hearts of K-state fans ( of which I am not one).

So, as successful as the beard thing has been for me, what other great contributions from the amish community should I mention or maybe be a poster-child for?

  • friendship bread
  • the new fad: fake fireplaces that you see in magazines and on info-mercials
  • great restaurants, bakeries, and cheeseries in Indiana, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. (not to leave out Yoder, Ks)
  • 'black and blue' fashion
  • straw hats
  • great barns and barn raising 'parties'


Unknown February 2, 2011 at 7:35 PM  

Four score and seven shaves ago, Jim Horning brought forth on his face, a new look conceived out of necessity and dedicated to the proposition that all beards are not created equal. Now we are engaged in a great respiratory illness testing whether his beard or any other beard so conceived and groomed can long endure. (Jonathon and I thought this was fitting)

Anonymous February 4, 2011 at 2:35 PM  

hey Jim,

reminded me of these guys that go to our church:

i cant quite make out what the slogan says on the females tshirt, but i think i get the "message".

when i grow mine out, i grow the goatee portion longer first. my girls call it a "beardle".

also, when its full and "long" (length is a future challenge) and people comment on it, good or bad, i tell them that i am converting to islam - as if its a process linked directly to public approval...



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